Don’t Scream, It’s Just A Bidet

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Something funny happens the first time a few guests use the bathroom in our home and fire off the attachment bidet we have installed: they scream.  Yep, they scream almost as loud as I imagine they would when a cockroach or a mouse suddenly passes over their feet while they sit on the toilet.

I guess it’s to be expected.  Folks unacquainted with the gushing stream of water from bidets will likely find the sensation unusual.  How did you feel about your first time with a bidet?

One of our more colorful guests described it like getting a cold enema – she said she had her mouth open in a muffled scream the whole time.  That was back when we didn’t have a hot water bidet and used a $50 toilet seat attachment that dispensed water directly from the pipe.  While that rig definitely wasn’t bad, it didn’t do us any favors during winter when the water was much colder than usual and felt like a popsicle passing through your backside.

We got our high-tech bidet after that, with warm seats, hot water and built-in dryer.  While considerably more expensive, it’s been worth every penny.  The warm air dryer, for one, allowed us to totally get rid of toilet paper in the bathroom, which we used to have to dry off after washing with the bidet.  The warm water option also allowed guests to be a little less frenzied the first time they turned a bidet on.  Cold water just has a way of taking people by surprise down there, which might not be the most pleasant introductory experience.

Finally, we’ve learned to caution guests right before they visit the toilet, “Whatever happens, don’t scream, it’s just a bidet.”  Of course, that never stopped them from shrieking anyway.