Bio Bidet BB-800 Review by Stan. W

Many thanks to Stan W. from the AltGN message boards for providing this review!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just returned from my first poop with the new Toilet Seat. Here is my review (please read to the tune of Outkast “So Fresh and So Clean.”

So I get home today to find a rather large box on my front porch. Turns out it’s the actual packaging with my address label stuck on it. No discrete brown packaging here. Now my UPS guy knows I got a clean butt. Yay.

The first thing I notice is that this is not just a toilet seat, it is a “Lifestyle Upgrade.” Apparently all you paper wipers are Silver members, and I’m now Gold!

So I take everything out, and it comes with seat, mounting hardware, water filter, instructions, and a little laminated direction pad with a suction cup to hang up in the bathroom for guests. LOL.

So I take off the seat off my old, caveman style toilet and put on the new one. Took 30 minutes.

So after I plug it in and let it fill up, I go poop. I had Hooters for lunch so it was pretty nasty. I finish up and hit the button. By default it’s on Medium pressure. PROTIP – turn it down low and work your way up. First shot hit paydirt in the back of my throat, so I turned it down a little bit. Once I got it set right, it was pretty comfortable, but will still take a little getting used to.

I hit the dryer and since it comes from the back of the unit. It does an decent job once you crank it up.

Next I tried the massage function and it’s pretty nice. It’s subtle, but I suspect a lawn sprinkler effect down there would be kind of painful.

Last I tried the Oscillating feature, which I think will be my mode of choice. It’s pretty gentle and goes back and forth and pretty much gets it all.

One last feature I haven’t tried yet is the Turbo Wash (which has the best icon of anything ever). It’s basically an enema. I thought it was a one button push for wash and dry if you were in a hurry. I’m REALLY glad I read the instructions first.

All in all, I feel clean and refreshed and only used a tiny bit of toilet paper to dry off with.

Overall Rating:

4.75/5